Posted in Craft of writing, journal writing, Travel Writing, Writing exercises

Revise a draft using the five senses.

Another way to revise our travel stories (or any story or scene) is to use the senses to describe the setting, the characters, and the action. Using the words “I smell…, we heard…, or you may taste…” is NOT the point. We can imply the senses by using rhythm with our words or utilizing descriptors that convey the sense itself.

Using a draft of flow-writing from my last blog post, today I’ll add more description by writing with the senses.  I have highlighted my revisions in red. See how it enhances the overall writing?

The interior room, used for yoga class at the Red Buddha Yoga and Wellness stands rather zen-like. The space feels quiet and serene, much like a chapel. Reverence for the body, the yoga poses, the breath. The stillness massages the nerves of my skin.

The other yogis arrived this morning for the same experience I’m expecting. We are greeted by a massive red-and-yellow bouquet, incense curling in the air, and lemon water to sate our thirst.

We adore Meg and her soft, lilting voice keeping time with the music while lightly snapping her fingers to the inhale and exhale. That musical voice of hers takes us into, through and out of each yoga pose.

Meg, the golden-headed goddess, lithely floats through the room and offers instruction, like a midwife, birthing her thousandth asana. We follow the motion, the hold, and the release with ease.

The chamber sits with a cool, bare floor. It is wall-to-wall empty, but ready, waiting for the birth of Nirvana. With nothing to impede our progress, the breath-beating music relaxes us, Meg’s entranced voice focuses us, and we move to the breath that entrains us together.

Feel the difference? See the richness of the prose? Grasp a sense of the place, of Meg the instructor, the experience? Do you understand the yearning for a place like this by the participants?

Then you know the value of writing with our senses.

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Author:

Writer, published author, traveler, blogger, workshop facilitator, spiritual sojourner. Authored coming-of-age travel memoir, At Home in the World: Travel Stories of Growing Up and Growing Away. This story covers my travels at a young age as a result of my involvement with my local church. My relationship with my mother prepares me for my ventures into the world. But I disappoint both family and church by leaving the church. Working on novel about a young woman who travels to India in 1906 to sell her uncle's horses. She loses her brother in route, builds a friendship in India that solidifies her sense of self that she has questioned all her life, and finds a man on board ship who loves her just the way she is but struggles to commit. I live in Texas with the love of my life, husband Lynn, and our Shih Tzu, Murphy, who is more cat than dog.

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